Sometimes I still wake up from nightmares, except the nightmare that stirs me awake is still true once I get my bearings. I lay there, taking deep breathes, trying to focus on the positive. But the truth is, sometimes that's hard. There are times when I wish everyone knew the whole truth, but I have to much pride for that, too much respect for him than that. There is so much that has taken my breath away in the past year, and not like the let me have a minute, the kind when your little and you fall off the monkey bars and you hurt and scared at the same time...but I'm too old to have anyone come pick me up...that's my job now. That was the scariest part of it all, making sense of it on my own, when everything I so naively thought I knew had fallen through.